ShantaAdvanced

मैं अपने इख़्तियार में हूँ भी नहीं भी हूँ

Main Apne Ikhtiyar Mein Hoon Bhi Nahin Bhi Hoon

Nida Fazli

1 min read 5 versesExistence

5 verses · ~1 min

मैं अपने इख़्तियार में हूँ भी नहीं भी हूँ दुनिया के कारोबार में हूँ भी नहीं भी हूँ.

तेरी ही जुस्तुजू में लगा है कभी कभी मैं तेरे इंतिज़ार में हूँ भी नहीं भी हूँ.

फ़हरिस्त मरने वालों की क़ातिल के पास है मैं अपने ही मज़ार में हूँ भी नहीं भी हूँ.

औरों के साथ ऐसा कोई मसअला नहीं इक मैं ही इस दयार में हूँ भी नहीं भी हूँ.

मुझ से ही है हर एक सियासत का ऐतबार फिर भी किसी शुमार में हूँ भी नहीं भी हूँ.

इति

Rasa: Shanta
Stanzas: 5
Lines: 10
Reading time: ~1 min
Form: Ghazal
Metre: ghazal
Rhyme: AA BA CA DA EA

The poem evokes a profound, meditative state of shanta where the boundaries between the self and the void dissolve into a serene yet unsettling paradox of existence. Visually, this could be rendered as a lone, ethereal figure standing at the threshold of a crumbling tomb, half-merged with the shifting desert sands and half-lit by an indistinct, distant horizon. The imagery suggests a haunting detachment, where the subject acts as both the witness and the ghost of their own life, trapped in a cycle of aimless waiting and internal disappearance. The artistic tone is one of existential quietude, capturing the stillness of a soul that has detached from worldly affairs only to find itself adrift in a landscape of self-erasure and spiritual ambiguity.

मैं अपने इख़्तियार में हूँ भी नहीं भी हूँ (Main Apne Ikhtiyar Mein Hoon Bhi Nahin Bhi Hoon), by Nida Fazli runs to 10 lines across 5 stanzas, set as Couplets (Sher) with a consistent refrain (Radif) and rhyming word (Qafia). Its governing rasa is Shanta. The metre is ghazal. Rhyme falls as AA BA CA DA EA.

It belongs to the 1938 · 2016 span of Nida Fazli's working life, and keeps the plain, spoken register that period is known for.

Read it for अस्तित्व का विरोधाभास और द्वंद्व and संसार में रहकर भी उससे विरक्त रहना. 4 words in it carry older or regional senses, so the poem rewards a second pass.

The verse is hung beside Sacred Tank and Pagodas, near Benares: Bathed in a serene and contemplative atmosphere, the hand-colored aquatint depicts a tranquil Hindu temple complex where pilgrims rest and bathe along the stone steps of a sacred water tank. Dominating the landscape is…

Words worth pausing on

इख़्तियार: वश या नियंत्रण
जुस्तुजू: खोज या तलाश
दयाल: देश या स्थान (यहाँ 'दयार' का अर्थ क्षेत्र है)
शुमार: गिनती या गणना

Threads

Existence

The Poet

निदा फ़ाज़ली

Nida Fazli

1938 · 2016

Nida Fazli occupied a space where the profound melancholies of Urdu literature met the spiritual philosophy of the Indian soil. Born in 1938 in Gwalior, he suffered the deep trauma of the partition when his family migrated to Pakistan. He chose to stay behind in India, a decision that infused his poetry with a permanent sense of yearning and existential loneliness. Fazli refused to write in the heavily Persianized vocabulary of traditional Urdu circles. Instead, he used the spoken, everyday language of the streets to explore complex human emotions and universal truths. His film lyrics elevated mainstream cinema, turning simple melodies into deep philosophical inquiries. Honored with the Sahitya Akademi Award and the Padma Shri, he passed away in 2016. He remains a poet who taught readers that true spirituality lies in recognizing the shared sorrow of humanity.